one more thing
no more back doors. i hate it.
i'll live with my inadequacies, thanks.
Labels: random
Tuesday, May 31, 2011 10:48 AM
i'll live with my inadequacies, thanks.
hello.
long time no see.
the long wait ended on wednesday and everything falls into place. i think i'm just a very lucky ass.
suddenly, my life has direction for the next, oh, 15 years.
i've met many people who are concerned that i will come to regret it. well, i've made some really bad choices and i've lived with them without agonizing over them too much. every experience means something to me, and the more disastrous it was the more impact is has on how i live and handle my life. (and you can always brag about them years later when you're talking about incredibly stupid things you've done.) i don't think i ever seriously regretted going through them.
so i'll stick with this deal and see where it brings me. at best, it is perfect for me. at worst, i'll still have a place in society to do good work.
the ridiculousness of the bond is thrilling, in a way.
think of it like this: i won't have to make any more major life-changing decisions till 15 years later!
but yes, i am thankful.
-
anyway, i've been throwing myself into lots of new stuff these past months.
there was the 3/11 earthquake that brought me out from my comfortable apathetic shell; it was the first natural disaster that i watched so closely and felt so keenly for the people. (is it immoral to be so hugely biased?) i remember listening to TBS radio on the very first day when casualty reports were still trickling in - a few people here and there in tokyo - and then news came in that 300 bodies were found on the shore and there was a shocked, grim silence in the broadcasting room. of course, the numbers have soared far beyond that now, but the feeling of pain and loss at the time was equally acute.
被災された皆様に心よりお見舞い申し上げます。
yet i didn't have the courage to step out and help. i could only glue myself to twitter, as if being within the community of fear would make a difference. and argue with my family about radiation levels. pathetic. (i'm glad singaporeans weren't very caught up in sensationalist reporting. )
please continue to support japanese products and don't shun travelling to japan after the situation is resolved! (i hope it will be soon.) i believe that consumer confidence and tourism is what they need the most to bound back at this point, more than donations or messages of encouragement.
only the rest of the world can give them that.
-
then the elections came around. i stopped trying to think and feel like the japanese and found myself, for the first time, relishing being a singaporean. how come nobody told me elections were this exciting! if it had been in 2009 i wouldn't have struggled at memorizing all those political terms in GP; i learnt all of them in a week. again, twitter everyday (i have given up on facebook). i suppose the period was right with all the time on my hands to go for rallies and watch the news on TV.
i am looking forward to the next general election, but i will have to be in a different frame of mind altogether. i confess to spending most of the time laughing at the drama and finding my position on things instead of thinking about the real problems.
-
work is as usual and i'm knowing more and more people by the day. this period of time is the best, when you're getting to know people enough to not be strangers, but haven't been exposed too much to their annoying/ scary/ weird sides yet. i don't think i would have ever completely fit in, due to my age and status, but if i had stayed i could be working with a bunch of fun people who really know how to chill.
the project isn't making much headway, and while my supervisors hope i will be struck with some brilliant idea that saves the day, all i can work at daily is to share the workload.
-
something i just screwed up: electone. i missed the deadline to register for the exam. and i'm ending it here. (another item to add to my list of stupid things i've done.)
it's a huge waste and i am very sad about it, yet i was hanging on to it more for my parents than myself. maybe it's time to let go. but if i let go, what message am i giving myself?
what will keep me going on in everything else?
-
tuition. someone's grades in my hands. it's not just about my own future, now. it's nice to have something to pull myself out when i get too caught up in my own affairs.
progress is slow but I WILL SEE TO IT i swear.
-
also, i've been reading and reading and reading because this opportunity to read good books every single day will never come again. it's exhilarating to fall into the world of one book after another and from fiction to abrupt reality, in and out.
into orson scott card now, i highly recommend. the intensity his writing can achieve even when half the conversations are in ungrammatical or flat-out broken english is amazing.
and thank you to the people who have been pulling me to see plays and movies and joining all sorts of events. or just going out. it's unfamiliar territory sometimes, but i can tell you that i'm glad i went.
damn, i will miss these times.
-
i think i've changed a little.
but, probably, so has everyone else.
two more months of the best time in my life, where i am truly, completely free.
Labels: books, friends, japan, life, politics, random, work
Friday, May 27, 2011 8:31 PM
また後悔ですね。
it's too hard.
all these little annoyances and doubts that crowd at the back of my head.
sometimes, i want to plunge myself into a new society and start afresh.
beautiful things happen.
--
reading 告白 now.
it's good escapism.
Monday, February 14, 2011 10:49 PM
wha?
damn i forgot my school password.
not like i'll be going back there to use the computers, but i hate being locked out of stuff. and i never forget my passwords.
getting old and forgetful.
your brain starts deteriorating at age 20, is it not?
Labels: random
Friday, January 28, 2011 9:21 AM
明けましておめでとう。
back from taiwan!
photos next time.
started work today!
(but i'm now slacking at the computer.)
Monday, January 3, 2011 10:56 AM
ごろごろした生活。
やりたいこと。(other than watching stuff, reading books and going out.)
1. fix gunpla.
2. fix jigsaw.
3. fix tagbox.
4. convert template to new blogger.
5. write scores.
6. listen to all the music i downloaded on impulse.
7. sell my time magazines.
8. draw on my clock.
9. make new diary.
10. fly kite.
of course, things like room-cleaning and application form filling slightly mar the holiday experience, but i'm having the time of my life because it's the first time i have ABSOLUTELY NO HOMEWORK in 6 years, and that makes up for everything else.
Labels: random
Sunday, December 12, 2010 10:53 AM
等等等等等
taiko yesterday and my arms hurt as if i ran with them. sure sign of lack of exercise, that.
jlpt was, well, not as disastrous as i imagined, but still i (we all) managed to go through the vocab section not knowing what the hell was going on.
i've also landed myself with a Droid! (with froyo!)
long story.
most importantly,
I'M FREE!!!
it doesn't feel like it, though.
(i think the holiday started when the Droid came.)
computer's not behaving, too. ):
(haha and the label on my shoes says "B.L.Shoes". )
Sunday, December 5, 2010 11:32 PM
welcome to the dark side of the moon
last stretch left!
but it's quite nice to spend time working on things i like (as compared to trying to study for GP, for example).
so kill me. i'm feeling irrationally optimistic today. :D
harry potter on thursday. i shouldn't have lent off my book, i want to reread it because the film conveniently left out so many things i'm surprised people can keep up. or maybe they don't.
and also, my first time with the wii. (yes, the kinect, i know, but we're a console-deprived family here.)
more: dawn treader movie. apparently the trailer looks good.
i like dawn treader the best out of the narnia series (so kill me).
partly because it's got the sea in it.
wouldn't it be cool to work on the ocean?
speaking of which, listen to this!
favourite electone piece ever.
just listen. don't have to watch.
(i chose this one because the stagea still sounds better. and she plays like my teachers.)
i want to watch confessions.
the radio was introducing it the other day and i thought it was some romance flick. (だって、「告白」じゃん。)
i've also given up on college in japan.
noooo there goes my free trip to osaka.
no matter! i'll earn it back by working!!!
sitex was great! no one seemed to enjoy it but me.
also, met yumi AND natsu (who are in the same commercial high school.
i kind of gatecrashed their briefing at the hotel, heheh.
it's nice to know we can still talk normally.
old friends are lovely to have.
--
upcoming: JLPT (this is a real challenge), taiko workshop, karaoke, prom, taiwan trip.
what, you mean As aren't over yet?
:D
Labels: friends, harry potter, japan, music, random, school, 日本語
Saturday, November 27, 2010 9:12 PM
last year it was crows.
putting the newly-bought painty marker to good use.
Friday, November 12, 2010 1:38 PM
people giving me jelly
it's beautiful! :D and brilliant!
thanks guys! (for going through all the trouble despite the bad timing) <3
(and i'll bring jelly to our next gathering. :D)
Labels: friends, photos, random
Friday, October 29, 2010 6:40 PM
^^
old songs feel like a friend you walk home with in the evenings (when the sunlight is golden and the air is warm).
(because it took me ages to decipher what they were singing about, and that was when there were no lyrics around.)
Labels: lostage, music, random
Monday, October 25, 2010 6:38 PM
うあ。
皆追いついている！
でも、追い越されないように、そして更に追い越せるように私もがんばってるよ！
よろしくね！>:D
Labels: random
Tuesday, September 28, 2010 3:17 PM
oosh.
tired.
and unsatisfied. (unlike previous projects.)
because it's an incomplete job.
what i want to do is to shout at people, but what i also want to do is to avoid falling out with people.
how, you tell me?
Labels: random
Sunday, September 19, 2010 9:09 PM
!
gundam phone.
ほしい！
i regret only watching half an hour of schooldays with a pig, so i shall watch dive.
--
a friend's in some sort of trouble again. o.o
Labels: gundam 00, movies, random
Friday, September 10, 2010 11:42 PM
...
sometimes i contemplate flunking all my exams spectacularly. it's comforting to know you've hit rock bottom before, and that you can't go any farther.
but this is probably not a good time.
i remember, in primary school, how i deliberately made a mistake in my chinese paper so that i would have something to correct when i double-checked it.
of course, me being me, i forgot.
a second after i handed it in, i realised.
i asked the teacher for my script back. the teacher refused, of course. what could i tell him/her? that i wrote the wrong answer on purpose? (he/she tried really hard to console me, though.)
i think i cried, then. over a mark. a mark! in primary school! but it was more at the sheer stupidity of the whole situation.
i never got my script back, and i never did it again.
this is the me who ate grass in kindergarten, and in primary school poked holes in the caps of fizzy drink bottles with a nametag so that the drink fountains out into your mouth when you shake it.
erm.
nowadays, we don't get to double-check.
i will prevail! by studying 5 things a day!
then i'll look for an exam unimportant enough to flunk.
and contemplate.
Labels: random
Friday, August 27, 2010 11:42 PM
眩暈
music keeps the mind sane and the blood running.
fascinating stuff.
i'm going to turn deaf before 50 ...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010 9:43 PM
heh.
you know how the things you say sometimes come back to bite you in the ass?
well, i said a bunch of them, and they all came back to bite me in my ass.
sorry, sorry. i won't do it again.
Labels: random
Wednesday, July 14, 2010 10:46 PM
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